I feel a need to...

make note of the Holocaust course that I just finished tonight. This is coming from someone that has worked all day, studied, forgotten dinner and written an exam from 7-10, so I apoligize if this lacks a lot.

I wanted to write while it was all so vividly fresh though....and after studying, it definitly is. This has been the hardest course that I have ever taken....content wise. I can honestly say that I do not think I am naive about Holocaust events anymore, though I wish in a hopeful way that I was. It is really hard to find grace for people who committed such atrocities, and really hard not to see similarities in my own country, province, city, government.

I kind of expect people to think they know what I am talking about, but if you are like me, then you won't. I thought I knew what the Holocaust was about, but I had no idea. I don't know how many times I sat doing my readings and just cried. What people are capable of.....its such a scary thought. It's disgusting. Just writing this, I'm getting upset all over again.

One thought that keeps running through my mind is how all sins are equal. Wow.

Another is how people justify things, life, death, ANY sin. How we all do it.

I really wish I knew why. Why?? Why do things like this have to happen? Why are they still happening?

Who.....who is going to stand up for what's right? It becomes hard to know what is right when it becomes such a habit to justify wrongs.

At this moment I feel such a burden, a burden that I have no idea what to do with and will unfortunately probably be gone before it should be. I'm looking at the bracelets that I'm supposed to send my sponsor child.....what is with that???!! Reduced to prepackaged, just 'sign and send' gifts to show our love, our commitment. We can do better then that. We'd better do better then that. People are worth more then just a signature and a cheque once a month. "Its better then nothing..." What a justification.

Sometimes I just wish for a pure unscathed heart. A heart that would know and act on every right and despise every wrong.