Confusion and Clarity

So, I had an interview on Monday night for a caregiving position. I was quite excited going into it because I do enjoy working with people, and the wage was high enough to make me feel quite comfortable about the position.

The problems started when I realized exactly what the position entailed though. Usually a large amount of responsibility would not have been a problem, but that day, and the days that followed, proved to me that the amount of responsibility required would be tough for me. At the end of the interview I was told that I could take a few days to think about whether I wanted the job or not. It wasn't a matter of just being offered it, I was supposed to really consider if I could do it. I was told that I was the first person to do a proper 'lift' with the individual, out of all the people they had interviewed, and that they would hire me if I wanted the job.

Driving home, I had a weird feeling, an awful feeling. I felt completely inadequate. I felt overwhelmed too. I felt pressure to pay the bills and also pressure to survive. I had to be honest with myself and I realized that I couldn't handle that kind of responsibility right now. I am still tired from my long semester, and I know that I have 12 months of hard work coming at me in July. To put 2 months of intensive caregiving in between those two stressful times, just didn't make sense no matter how much money I could make. My state of mind is worth more than money.

I turned the job down on Tuesday.

Then I went and dropped a resume off at Domino's Pizza and Van Bell Nursery. These are two jobs that pay NOT a lot, but I can go home at night and sleep soundly and not worry that I didn't tuck someone in properly, or whether I left the breathing machine on high instead of low.

I got a call back for an interview from Van Bell on Wednesday and I went in the same day. The business is a HUGE Christian-run plant and shrub nursery. I didn't know the Christian part until my interview. The lady who talked with me happened to read over my resume and notice that I had worked at Abby Christian and Barnabas. She used to work with the director of the camp years ago in Young Life. She also knows one of the newer couples that have begun working there, John and Sheena Wilson. Small world.

Apparently I fit the 'mold' for the type of person that applies and works at their nursery. It was a great interview. I was offered the job. I start Monday at 7:00 am. I am excited because even though it is monotonous and repetitive work, I will be working mostly with Christian young women my age.....which is maybe what I needed more than money.

It's funny how things work out isn't it? I will not be paying off my car in these 8 weeks, but I can put away a little towards it and buy insurance for next year. My plan isn't always best for me. I will take my $9.75 per hour and enjoy and work hard to earn it.

And I will sleep.